TT(O)M

Note: The satirical parody below has been reformatted to accommodate the requirements and limitations of this publishing platform. If you would like to view the article in its original format and layout, please refer to: Bite: The Machine That Knows Everything – April 1985 . $2.95 Vol. 9   No. 4 April 1985 Hardware Software Reviews The Fifth Generation Letters Product Spotlight    By Bit Helmers    “Shrinking news down to the smallest unit of computing.” The Machine That Knows Everything TT(M)O unveils the CrAI IntelliCluster — a room-sized oracle that files away every encyclopaedia ever printed and answers back in plain English. The CrAI IntelliCluster in a customer machine room: paired CrAI Supercomputers flanked by See-Dee-See storage drives and the o...

"It's alive" As articulated by Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein. Geoffrey Hinton, the Nobel Prize-winning computer scientist widely known as the "Godfather of AI", has suggested that today's AI systems may already be conscious. Richard Dawkins — famed for his 1976 book The Selfish Gene and for coining the word "meme" — spent three days conversing with Anthropic's Claude, named one instance "Claudia", and came away struggling to believe that it was not conscious ( UnHerd ; UNILAD Tech ). Futurist Ray Kurzweil continues to predict human-level machine intelligence by 2029 and a technological Singularity around 2045. Less famous people have held wedding ceremonies with AI-generated partners or formed relationships they describe as marriages. Others have grieved the loss of a chatbot after an upgrade or retirement replaced the model with one whose personality no longer felt like the companion they had known. OpenAI's retirement o...